cosmicsommers | open rp post

Prim and her mother have taken to traveling in the days, weeks, and months since the war against the Capitol. Since Snow and Coin's deaths. Since the bombing of the children in the square in front of the president's manor. Since all of those deaths.

Since the real start of Prim's nightmares.

She had thought that perhaps the nightmares before the 74th Hunger Games were the worst and perhaps that the ones while Katniss was in the second arena for the Quarter Quell were terrible. But they were nothing compared to the strength and terror of the ones she is now experiencing after nearly being burned alive in the square while tending to the poor children who had already been hurt so badly. It was pure luck that she had survived. Luck that had her turn and take a few life-saving steps out of the crowd.

Luck that has now saddled her with an intense survivor's guilt.

That's why she's here in District Four now. Normally, she lives in District Twelve with her sister and Peeta. Their mother has taken to living mostly in District Four because of the terrible memories that Twelve holds for her. Prim doesn't blame her at all and, really, it's good for the youngest Everdeen to be on her own every so often, to have to make the train ride by herself or with Katniss and Peeta. She doesn't mind. Prim has been learning everything she can while she's around people who can teach her and now that she's here, she's ready to learn more. Her lessons lately have been all about pre-natal care.

Because Annie. Is going to have a baby.

Today she's come to see how Annie and her baby are doing -- she's very close to term now -- and to give Finnick what she can of medicine from District 12. It isn't near what the Capitol has or should have been able to do, but the Districts know how to treat wounds with herbs. Or at least Prim was lucky enough to grow up under a mother who could do a lot with nothing.

And sometimes the herbal remedies really are the best.

Somehow Prim had convinced Katniss to come along, so after she talks with Annie and Finnick, she coaxes her sister for a walk along the beach. Prim knows these last two years have been hard on all of them, but she also knows that what they are moving towards is so much better than anything they had or could have had before. The ocean spray stings her burns a bit, the salt water doing very little to help, so Prim is wrapped up as much as she can be in the heat. The tide is out so she's at least dipping her feet in when she can.

Where the burns aren't as severe.

Today hasn't been a good day for her, not emotionally. She's been having a lot of nightmares lately and her survivor's guilt has been hitting hard. That's another reason why she's here. She needs something else to focus on, something to do and distract herself with. Katniss has it so much worse than Prim, she knows. So she's doing her best to cheer her sister up, too.

"Look, Katniss!" she calls, squatting down and digging up a handful of sand. Depositing it a little closer to her sister, she points out the crab trying to burrow back into the sand. "Isn't he cute?"

Her burns aren't nearly as bad. Though she had tried to get close to Prim, she hadn't gotten close enough. The guilt still nags at her whenever she sees her sister in pain. She should have been there. She should have been able to cover her sister's body with her own to protect her. But she hadn't been fast enough. She hadn't been where she should have been. The guilt nags at her every day. It's not nearly as bad as it had been when Prim had been in the coma; that guilt had prompted her to kill President Coin in revenge.

Her burns aren't nearly as bad but they have taken their time to heal. It doesn't help that she hadn't taken care of herself once released from the hospital, ripping the skin grafts more than once. Her hair has yet to fully grown in but slowly scars have started to cover her body instead. The months spent in confinement during her trial had given her that chance. But while her body has begun to heal, her mind is still a long way off.

She prefers being in District 12. In District 12, she gets to be with Peeta. She gets to hunt. It's not the home that she grew up in. There's so much rebuilding to be done . But it's home. She can hide from the world, safe in Peeta's arms. It's better being in District 12. But she knows that sometimes Prim needs to get away. Needs to be with their mother. Anyway, it helps to see Finnick. Another survivor. Too many survivors.

Her brow furrows at the crab that her sister points out. She doesn't see much point in it. It's not all that cute and it's so small, it really wouldn't provide much food. Not alone. They'd need a dozen at least. Katniss stares at it a few seconds more before looking at her sister. "You think all animals are cute."

Prim has enjoyed Katniss and Finnick's friendship, how they get along while Prim and Annie are talking. That's another part of the reason she usually asks Katniss to come along. She knows that it's good for all of them in the long run.

So is swimming, but Prim hasn't been brave enough to risk the pain of the salt water against her burn wounds. They may be healing, but there's always a chance that it will still hurt. Maybe someday she and Katniss can run through the woods in District 12 to find a lake or a freshwater stream. Right now, in District 4, swimming isn't going to happen.

Peering up at her sister, Prim shades her eyes against the sun. It's true that Prim likes just about any animal she comes across. Instead of focusing on that, she issues Katniss a playful challenge. "All right. What animal do you think is cute?"

It's better when she can talk Peeta into coming along, too. Maybe it isn't healthy, this dependence that they've developed on one another. But it keeps Katniss going through the hardest days. She likes to think that it's similar for Peeta. He had been there through most of it: both Games, the aftermath, the uprising. She needs him. But this trip, Peeta stayed behind in District 12. Something about time that sisters ought to be spending together without interfering boyfriends.

Katniss watches the crab trail off towards the ocean, lucky to live another day. Grow bigger and return to the beach where someone will smartly make a decent meal out of it some day. She stares out at the ocean, refusing to get too much closer. Freshwater isn't so bad but she knows how much the salt can hurt. They're best off staying away.

Quirking an eyebrow at her sister, she muffles a laugh. "None."

Prim usually doesn't mind having Peeta with them, too. Today had seemed like a time just for Katniss, for Prim's sister to do something on her own and for herself. Not counting the fact that one reason Katniss is here is because Prim asked her to be. Peeta had agreed that the sisters needed time alone together. Prim suspects he also needed time alone. Maybe he's off with Haymitch or maybe he's painting or baking. Either way, Prim knows he will be using the time any way he can.

Prim manages a grin at Katniss' defiance, standing so she can dip her feet into the water. Someday, she hopes she'll be able to swim again, someday when her burns don't require constant salves and lotions, constant application of healing herbs. Their mother has already fussed over her and made sure her injuries have been tended. Prim suspects that's the only reason she's been allowed out at all.

Well, that and they all know she wouldn't go quietly. She may be the nicest in the house, but if there's one thing Prim has learned it's that time is short and they all have to make the most of what they have.

"I know you like some things," she pushes teasingly. "You liked Lady." Probably less because Lady was any specific animal and more because she was useful, but that's beside the point.

A lot of the time, Katniss feels guilty that she spends so much time around Peeta. It's not something that she had even realized until it had been pointed out to her. But somehow he had become her lifeline. Katniss can't begin to describe the way in which she depends upon him lately. But he understands the horrors that she went through. He understands why she had wanted to kill herself after killing President Coin. He might even be falling in love with her again. She needs all of that in her life. She needs that so very badly.

At least Prim understands. Her sister had been forced to grow up in such a short time. It's not entirely fair but regardless, she's thankful for it. Thankful that her sister is still alive and even more so, thankful that she understands. Every second that they've had together since the day the parachutes exploded has been a gift.

Katniss watches as Prim shuffles her feet in the water. It's not much but it's a small sign that her sister is healing. A good sign. Katniss smiles crookedly. "Lady was useful."

Prim doesn't mind that Katniss and Peeta spend so much time together. She thinks they need each other and anything that helps them both cope with what happened to them is good in her book. Besides, they all know how close she came to dying herself. If she hadn't taken those few life-saving steps towards her sister, Katniss would need so much more support to live than just what she has now.

That smile means the world to Prim. She thinks her sister should smile more.

"So if we found another goat, you'd let me keep that one, too?" she asks even though they both know she doesn't need to ask at all. Katniss would give her the sun and the moon if she could. "What about another cat to keep the mice away?"

That is a scenario that haunts Katniss every day. She does her best not to think about it. About how close she came to losing her sister that day. But it's still remains on her mind almost every day, especially when Prim's away in District 4. It's not all that surprising that her sister's absence makes the fear more prominent. It's a stark reminder of what life would be like if her sister hadn't survived. Though she refuses to think that she clings to Peeta during those weeks, the word does make for a good description of her behavior at times.

Thankfully, Prim did survive. That scenario is only a nightmare and nothing more. Katniss can smile, here in District 4 by her sister's side. Life is bearable because she has Prim.

"Buttercup never kept the mice away," she says with her usual scowl. Katniss would never complain about another goat. But a cat? "They get lazy once they're fed."

Every time, Prim has come back and every time she makes sure that Katniss knows how much she loves and appreciates her sister. It's good for Prim to have things to do on her own, but she always misses Katniss and she knows Katniss misses her.

"Nuh-uh," Prim protests, sounding like the sassy child she never was. "You could teach a kitten how to hunt. I'm sure it would be better."

Especially if Katniss doesn't try to drown any others.

Prim digs her toes into the water, wincing a little as the salt touches a burn on her ankle. "Do you think we could go swimming when we get home?" she asks, thinking of the lake just past District Twelve. It's a bit of a journey into the woods, but she thinks maybe a little water would be good for her. Katniss, too. And Peeta of course. All of them, really.

That and Prim just needs something else to do, honestly. Today has not been a good day -- well, it has in so much as she has enjoyed every moment of her time with Annie, Finnick, and Katniss; her mind has just been very mean and she spent most of the day keeping busy to push away the guilt. Maybe some time in a new place, swimming to help her body heal, would be good for her mind as well.

Katniss knows that Prim has to live her own life. That's one of the reasons Katniss had fought so hard to keep her sister alive. It's why she had volunteered for her in the 74th Hunger Games. It's why she had killed President Coin more recently. Prim deserves to live a full and amazing life. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier when her sister's away.

"A kitten is dependent too long," she points out, still thinking of Buttercup and his uselessness. He really would have been better off drowned. At least then Katniss wouldn't have had another mouth to feed. And he wouldn't have gotten Prim almost killed when the bombs fell on District 13. "It wouldn't be any better."

She's just not much of an animal person. There's a very good chance that Katniss never will be. That's okay. Animals can remain something Prim's better at.

"We should," she decides, thinking of how nice the freshwater might feel against the healing burns. It would mean possibly having to go by the recently completed mass grave but maybe they could all ignore what the meadow's become. She hasn't gone swimming in a long time. And Peeta's never been. "Would you mind if I brought Peeta?"

They all have a lot of guilt to push away. A day by the lake might just help with that.

In a rare moment where Prim allows herself to jokingly act like the budding teenager she is, sticks her tongue out playfully at Katniss' protests against a kitten. Her sister will probably never like animals the way Prim does. Katniss just doesn't see the good in them. And that's okay.

Prim's fake sulk turns into a knowing smirk. She can guess as to why Katniss would want Peeta to come with them. Beyond the fact that Prim approves of Katniss and Peeta's real relationship, she thinks they could probably all use it, a chance to just go somewhere to heal and enjoy themselves. A day off from worries and fears.

She grins impishly.

"I'll never say no to you bringing Peeta. He deserves a day of fun and healing as much as we do." As long as it's just Peeta, Prim thinks it'll be fine. The three of them out in the lake. It'll be perfect.

Prim squishes her toes through the sand before she stands up again and dances a little through the water, barely letting any touch her feet. Their mother should be finishing soon and then they can all go back to Twelve. Maybe later tonight or early tomorrow they can make their way down to the lake. Prim is now really looking forward to the calm, quiet freshwater on her burns. Cool feelings where there's almost nothing but intense pain and itchiness. The relief will be welcome for them all.

It's a rare moment and because of that, it makes the moment all the more special. Katniss smiles and sticks her tongue out at Prim playfully in return. She never will like animals in the same way as Prim does but Katniss does see the good in them. They make good beasts of burden, or good meals, or good providers of necessary goods. When it comes down to it, Katniss just doesn't see the point of useless pets.

She catches the smirk from the corner of her eye. It's enough to get her cheeks to turn a pale red. Katniss hasn't exactly meant to hide her burgeoning relationship with Peeta from Prim. It just sort of happened. Everything with Peeta has been slow going and precious and she just hasn't wanted to say anything aloud. Apparently, she hasn't been as subtle as she thought.

"Thank you," she says, smiling softly at her sister. The smile broadens a little more as she watches Prim dance a little. It's good to see her sister move and act more like her age. A trip to the lake will do them all some good. "I think he'd enjoy it. He likes spending time with you."

To be fair, Prim has had a while to notice the differences between what the publicity for Victors had shown and what was really there between Katniss and Peeta. She has seen how their relationship has grown as much as possible and doesn’t mind encouraging it in the least. As far as she is concerned, they both deserve this.

“He likes spending time with both of us,” she points out, her grin widening just a little bit. “But he likes seeing me because it means he can see you, too.”

There’s no secret to Peeta’s preference and no hard feelings because of that. It is as it should be and Prim will encourage them until the end of her days.

Prim's probably noticed far more about Katniss' relationship with Peeta than Katniss has noticed herself. It's not something that she had been good at during the Games. Life might be a little simpler now but it's still not enough for Katniss to understand how she feels about Peeta. Their relationship has grown, and it's still growing, but saying how is just too difficult.

Still, she blushes at Prim's words. Knowing that Peeta likes spending time with her makes her feel oddly warm inside, not to mention extremely happy. "That's not true."

Prim stops her dancing, wincing just a little as water hits her too high and brushes one of her burns. Scooting out of the water again, she decides to bury her feet in the wet sand instead.

"Why don't you ask him?" she suggests. "He'll tell you for sure."

She doesn't doubt that Peeta would confirm her thoughts if asked, but she does doubt that Katniss will ask. Even if it's in a form of their real or not real game.

Katniss frowns in concern when Prim stops dancing. The stab of worry and guilt she feels at the way her sister winces is like a stab to the heart. She never should have been there that day. She never should have been there when the bombs exploded. That Prim survived is nothing short of a miracle. One that Katniss remains grateful for every day.

Wrapping her arm around Prim is both a necessity and a distraction. It lets her put off the question for a few seconds (giving her time to think of a better excuse) while reminding her that her sister is indeed still alive. She hugs Prim to her in silent reassurance before answering, "You're like a sister to him. Of course he'd want to spend time with you."

Prim lets Katniss wrap her up in a hug for a few minutes, knowing that her sister needs that. But the silence doesn't last forever, broken by a soft sigh. "Oh, Katniss. It's okay to accept something for yourself, too, you know."

This is exactly why Prim worries so much about her, just as much as Katniss worries about Prim. The youngest Everdeen knows that accepting something good and being willing to hold onto it are hard for Katniss, but that's part of why she's here. Prim wants to help her sister see the good in the world and accept that sometimes it's okay to want something for yourself.

Even if a good thing scares you to death.

She tends to be careful with her hugs these days. It doesn't matter how many days have passed since Prim had finally been released from the hospital, she doesn't want to take a chance of doing any further harm to her sister. Someday, Katniss might again remember that her sister isn't made of glass. Someday. But for now, she gently holds Prim tight against her chest. She needs this hug. She needs the reminder that Prim's alive and well more often than not.

"I've already caused so much harm," she says. Katniss doesn't have to mention Peeta for her sister to know who she's talking about. Prim remembers how bad Peeta was after his rescue and subsequent return to District 13. Of course she's scared to death. In such a short time, she nearly lost everyone who matters most to her.

"Everyone has," Prim points out softly, sinking into the hug. "That's no reason not to try anyway."

Life goes on and it has so far. Things might be terrible some days and they might have nightmares and reminders of the people they lost or nearly lost. But Finnick and Annie are going to have a baby soon. Prim survived. Peeta is here. People have died, but they weren't all Katniss' fault.

"You didn't ask for any of this. It's not your fault and you deserve something happy." So she hopes that one day her sister will accept things. Maybe small things to start, but Katniss does deserve to be happy, whether she believes it or not.

She thinks that it's every reason not to try. If she doesn't try, she doesn't put anyone else at risk. Everyone can lead their lives, free of any interference - purposeful or accidental - from her. Isn't that something she owes all that she's harmed by now?

Life goes on but healing from the pain its afflicted takes much longer than Katniss ever would have thought. There are good things. Small things that she should focus on instead. That's something that seems to come easier for Prim though. Prim remembers the good. All Katniss seems to remember is the bad.

"I have you," she murmurs against Prim's head. "Having you still in my life makes me happy."

"That's a start," she sighs, instinctively nestling against her sister's safe embrace. Prim has always felt safe in Katniss' arms and this is no different. "Maybe someday that won't be everything."

Not that she has ever minded being what makes Katniss happy. But she knows about Peeta. She knows there's something real there. And she doesn't want to be the sole reason Katniss gets up in the morning. Her sister needs more reasons, more things to make her happy. As far as Prim is concerned, Katniss deserves everything.

As Prim speaks, Katniss finds herself blushing a little. She knows exactly what her sister's talking about and based on their earlier conversation, she suspects that she knows who exactly Prim's talking about, too. Her sister is probably right. Someday, Prim won't be everything and that thought scares her. Letting more people in means putting her heart at greater risk. At the same time, it's probably already too late. Despite her concerns, she and Peeta are slowly growing back together.

There is something real there. There's something very real growing between herself and Peeta. Katniss takes a deep breath. "You wouldn't mind?"

Prim pulls back enough that she can fix her sister with a somewhat serious look. "If I minded, I wouldn't have suggested it," she points out. "Besides, I think it's good for you to have more in your life. Everyone needs a little happiness in their lives. Having more never hurt anything."

Somewhere along the line, she'd gotten good at being a voice of reason, wisdom, and optimism. And maybe there's a little bit of experience buried in there, too. She's had to find happiness of her own to drown out the survivor's guilt.

Prim's right. She seems to be right about a lot of things lately When did her sister grow up? Right now, Katniss is seeing those same glimmers of wisdom in her sister that she had seen in District 13. Her sister is no longer a little girl that needs Katniss to take care of her. Though it hurts to think it, Prim's no longer a girl. She's a young woman now.

"You're right," she murmurs, pulling Prim in for another hug. "It might not hurt."

But if she messes things up the way she suspects she will, Katniss doesn't doubt that it'll hurt a lot. Can she survive more pain?

Prim wraps her arms around her sister in turn, resting her chin on Katniss' shoulder. They've both been through so much in the last few years and she knows Katniss worries. But that's why she's glad to be here. Prim can help her sister navigate that worry. They've always been there for each other. Prim can do this and Katniss can help Prim deal with her own trauma.

That's what the sisters have always done.

"We can go home whenever you want," she suggests, happy to stay as long as Katniss is comfortable. "Mother might stay to help Annie, but I don't think they need me yet."

There's not much for her to do right now. The point of bringing Katniss out of District 12 has been reached and now Prim is content to go back home. Even if the sea is nice, it does still hurt. Swimming here will have to wait.

Besides, going home means going back to Peeta.

open rp post

for katniss }{ to make the best of what is left

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