"You say that as though you had any idea that death would trigger your little vampire projects' transformation!" Helen shoots back with obvious venom. She absolutely remembers how that had gone, how Nikola had not even begun to take into account the concept of death, let alone how that concept might have affected his projects. In essence, biology had one-upped him and the teenagers had taken it and run with it.
Trust fund baby vampires. That was his first mistake.
The second was trying to keep it from her. That had not gone well. About as well as her faked death and trying to come to him later seems to be going. When will they learn not to keep secrets from each other?
But then Nikola continues and Helen's expression hardens. On the one hand, she likes and prefers that he is actually admitting exactly what her point has been. It was her Old Friend's choice, his idea and his decision, that ended in his death. He had to have known what was coming as surely as she had when she had chosen to keep everything to herself and then blow up the Sanctuary in an attempt to sever ties with the surface and the world governments for good. What bothers her is that if he can see the sense in her Old Friend's choice, and understand it to a point, why can't he see and understand her own choice? They were, in essence, the exact same. And they almost had the exact same ending.
Her fingers dig further into the fabric at her arms and her jaw sets tighter before she responds. "He chose to help, chose to do what he could to take down those who opposed everything the Sanctuary stood for. As did I. The end result of both of our choices was almost the same. He understood the price. So did I. It was my choice, Nikola. Mine to make and mine to bear the consequences of."
A part of her understands that her death would have meant the end of a great deal of things and hurt more people than she likely wants to admit to. She also understands that Nikola would not have taken it well. He hadn't so far, as he had actually thought that she really was dead. Inhaling slowly and deeply, Helen releases her hold on her arms. Keeping them folded where they are, she meets his gaze fully, letting her eyes say what the rest of her words refuse.
"It isn't quite as difficult as your friend losing his vampirism, but close."
Meaning that now he should know how she felt when he lost his vampirism and his longevity, when she had thought he would die before her and she would be the last of the Five. Being the last of them is far too difficult for any of them to bear. Now that it's just the two left, it's even harder to handle. Helen expects that someday she will outlive everyone; what the deepest part of her wants is to die before him, so that she never has to be the last of the Five and never has to live without him. She knows, in that same deepest part of her, that Nikola wants that exact thing in reverse. Living without each other at this point is simply not an option.
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Trust fund baby vampires. That was his first mistake.
The second was trying to keep it from her. That had not gone well. About as well as her faked death and trying to come to him later seems to be going. When will they learn not to keep secrets from each other?
But then Nikola continues and Helen's expression hardens. On the one hand, she likes and prefers that he is actually admitting exactly what her point has been. It was her Old Friend's choice, his idea and his decision, that ended in his death. He had to have known what was coming as surely as she had when she had chosen to keep everything to herself and then blow up the Sanctuary in an attempt to sever ties with the surface and the world governments for good. What bothers her is that if he can see the sense in her Old Friend's choice, and understand it to a point, why can't he see and understand her own choice? They were, in essence, the exact same. And they almost had the exact same ending.
Her fingers dig further into the fabric at her arms and her jaw sets tighter before she responds. "He chose to help, chose to do what he could to take down those who opposed everything the Sanctuary stood for. As did I. The end result of both of our choices was almost the same. He understood the price. So did I. It was my choice, Nikola. Mine to make and mine to bear the consequences of."
A part of her understands that her death would have meant the end of a great deal of things and hurt more people than she likely wants to admit to. She also understands that Nikola would not have taken it well. He hadn't so far, as he had actually thought that she really was dead. Inhaling slowly and deeply, Helen releases her hold on her arms. Keeping them folded where they are, she meets his gaze fully, letting her eyes say what the rest of her words refuse.
"It isn't quite as difficult as your friend losing his vampirism, but close."
Meaning that now he should know how she felt when he lost his vampirism and his longevity, when she had thought he would die before her and she would be the last of the Five. Being the last of them is far too difficult for any of them to bear. Now that it's just the two left, it's even harder to handle. Helen expects that someday she will outlive everyone; what the deepest part of her wants is to die before him, so that she never has to be the last of the Five and never has to live without him. She knows, in that same deepest part of her, that Nikola wants that exact thing in reverse. Living without each other at this point is simply not an option.